Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
