yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
