I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
