It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
