I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
