I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
