3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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