If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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