Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
