I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
