so explain again why im purple
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist