Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.

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(416): He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French. http://tfl.nu/rqrw

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk

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(918): my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk http://tfl.nu/q4ib

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(917): View more from New York City

The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.

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(917): The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name. http://tfl.nu/eftw

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(806): View more from Texas

What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

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(806): What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head??? http://tfl.nu/gwk9

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(347): View more from New York

just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner

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(347): just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner http://tfl.nu/v9ac

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later

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(513): I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later http://tfl.nu/i6ww

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(229): View more from Georgia

Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters

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(229): Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters http://tfl.nu/mh2z

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(205): View more from Alabama

I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.

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(205): I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick. http://tfl.nu/9o5a

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...

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(250): Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night... http://tfl.nu/bamz

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(916): View more from California

............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help

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(916): ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help http://tfl.nu/sdm1

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(464): View more from Illinois

He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.

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(464): He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit. http://tfl.nu/lyxm

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(206): View more from Washington

Peanut butter balls.

(1-206): View more from Washington

IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

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(206): Peanut butter balls. (1-206): IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD http://tfl.nu/s2fd

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(602): View more from Arizona

They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.

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(602): They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't. http://tfl.nu/kn7x

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(206): View more from Washington

Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.

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(206): Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience. http://tfl.nu/kvcy

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(785): View more from Kansas

Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.

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(785): Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes. http://tfl.nu/4ozu

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