Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.