This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off