i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.