he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
