he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
