How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
