Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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