we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
