ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i out mim tonsoeep
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
