Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Text me some of your sweat
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