the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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