you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm really busy with my period
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