Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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