Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.