I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos