Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
