Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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