Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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