we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
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It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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