ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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