i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
