Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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