Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
