no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
