He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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