I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
