you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
