i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
