...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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