there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
