I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
