So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
