my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
