If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
