she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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