So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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