i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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