she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you never un-have a 4some
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
