I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My penis needs a shock collar
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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