K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
