im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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