I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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