Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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