i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
