not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
