I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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