Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
