You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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