This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
