Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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