Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
