Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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