Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize