Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
