Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
