you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
