i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
as a side note pls kill me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize