Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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