i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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