Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
