at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
