I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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