well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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