Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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