Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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