i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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