Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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