I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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