one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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