he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
