I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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