Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
