i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
