really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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