Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
