My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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