i jhust puked up my retainher.
are you so shy because you have an std?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
