I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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