and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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