I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
