i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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