I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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